stress.

Some people call me a perfectionist.
I will.... agree to that.
I set quixotic standards for myself. Sometimes, I feel like my best isn't satisfactory, I will do again and again, until I felt it was good enough.
I guess my study environment really matters. Everyone is like of a higher standard than me, perspective wise. They obtained really low points for their national exams, regardless whether it's N or O levels. ( the lower the points, the better)
Yes, i did obtain a single digit. But I am a VERY slow learner in the first place, i had to persevere and work harder to be " up there" . I still feel inferior surrounded by lots of people being better than me. It's as if they did it effortlessly. I did it with sheer hard work and determination. To whoever who reads this, might find this point quite unilateral. Maybe it's just my point of view. But i have to live everyday in fear of dropping out of pfp, revising often so i will be on par with others. It may sound attention seeking, and i apologize if people this irritating. However, this is how I genuinely feel and I felt like I should vent it out.
For example, i prepared two whole nights for my first presentation, memorizing the script and talking to mirror a million times. I screwed it up. My teacher praised everyone and all I got was a " you didn't manage to catch everyone's attention. " Perhaps it was because I felt trepidatious that made me stumble through my words. I felt like my efforts weren't appreciated.
I hope i can do better next time.